I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
