The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
