I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
