we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
