i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there's paper in my vomit.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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