okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
