I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
