i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
