I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
