why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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