Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
