and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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