I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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