i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
