You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
