people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
