Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just had sex on a roof
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
