is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
