sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
