I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How external is "for external use only"?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
