soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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