I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
