I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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