He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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