So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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