I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
