that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
