I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
