You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
