my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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