It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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