i think my tv is drunk
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please come you make the beer taste better
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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