Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
