You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
