Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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