you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
