if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am available for nakedness
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
