I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
