Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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