I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
