I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
