dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
