just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
