my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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