Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
