just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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