Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
