i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
