I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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