Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
