watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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