Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
