So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
